Too Many Goodbyes
by Lizzysobebear
Summary: Standing in the Amper River, Liesel says goodbye to Rudy, even though it will never truly be goodbye.


Disclaimer: _The Book Thief _belongs to Markus Zusak, though I really wish it didn't, and the second to last line (taken from page 545) belongs to him, too. What a selfish man. The song is "Kissing You Goodbye" by The Used, off of Artwork, their latest album. I took out some lines of the song, so I'm sorry if that offended anyone. I am not making any profit off this nor do I intend to.

A/N: Well, I reread _The Book Thief_ for a book report (Or an Independent Reading Response, as we're supposed to call them now) and I made it through without crying (which is miraculous for me, by the way!) Oh, and I decided I wanted to write something that had to do with it, so this was what I came up with. Not very good or creative, but I hope you enjoy and I appreciate reviews. Also, if you find any errors or things that don't make sense, please tell me!

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Too Many Goodbyes

_Cut yourself in conversation.  
__Cut a line to make me feel alive.  
__'Cause you know I'm not alive.  
__Leave me with your complications.  
__Take your life, you feel like taking mine._

"_Saumensch_," Liesel muttered, water flowing around her. She stood in the middle of the Amper River, whispering curses and comments as she played that familiar scene over and over in her head. It involved a book, a boy with lemon colored hair, and a question.

_And leave me with your complications.  
__Take your life, you feel like taking mine._

Liesel knew she was a site to see, fully clothed in one of her best dresses standing in the cold water. Rudy would have laughed. She wished she could hear his laugh just once more, as he shivered and asked for a kiss. The _saukerl_.

_Not alone.  
__Nowhere to go.  
I'm not leaving. I'm not going.  
I'm not kissing you goodbye._

Her skirts felt heavy as she waded farther down the river. Goosebumps formed on her arms. Molching was always so frigid and wet.

A thin layer of Himmel Street filth coated her, and it felt grimy and good. The cool water washed the dirt away, leaving behind soft, clean skin. She felt like laying in the wreckage of the street and recoating herself, coloring her and her dress slate again.

_On my own.  
I'm nothing, just bleeding.  
I'm not kissing you goodbye._

"A kiss." she murmured, disgustedly. "Of all things to ask for, he asks for a kiss." She sighed, the wind rustling her hair. It was another gloomy day, the day they had buried Mama and Papa. It matched her mood. Gray. There was no sun to walk to on a tightrope of clouds or any white monsters with gray hearts. It was a solid, ashen sky, just like it had been the day the bomb hit. The day Rudy received his kiss. That kiss he'd asked for for so long.

_Trust to take the right to leave me.  
Waiting __under dark clouds for the rain.  
__Praying lightning strikes a change.  
As __history gets lost,  
__And as I took that final breath I felt alive._

She remembered his blue eyes had been closed. He had died asleep, she realized. He had died gray, stained by the burning snowflakes. His hair had not been yellow.

_All Alone.  
Nowhere __to go.  
I'm not leaving. I'm not going.  
I'm not kissing you goodbye._

Liesel imagined him racing towards the finish line, colored by ash like he'd been colored by coal. It would be his last race, and when he won, he would turn and ask her a simple question, probably throwing a few insults in. She would scowl and turn away, matching his insults with those of her own as she suppressed a smile. _Oh, Rudy, _she thought as a sob shook her body. _Why must we say goodbye? What if I forget you?_

_On my own.  
__I'm nothing, just bleeding.  
I'm not kissing you goodbye._

A dark tear slid down her face, leaving a clean trail on her cheek as it dripped into the river. It melded with the water that ran swiftly past her, and became no longer a tear, but just another part of the river. All traces of its past were washed away like the dirt on her fingers. With each new tear that fell, Liesel felt like a memory had slipped away, and she tried desperately to cling to them.

Soccer. They had played soccer together in the street, with teams and garbage cans for goal markers. Liesel had known the space between those cans well, being forced to play goalie many times because she was new.

_Don't let me go._

The snowball. He had thrown a snowball at Liesel after she had blocked his first shot against her.

_Don't say goodbye._

The ironing. He had walked with her as she carried the ironing. He had even offered to carry it a time or two.

_'Cause you know I'm not alive._

Thievery. Together they had stolen books, food, whatever. She remembered the hard candy they had shared, each taking a few licks and then giving it back to the other person. She supposed Rudy considered it the closest thing he'd get to a kiss.

_Don't let me go._

Max. She'd told him all about Max. And somehow, he had understood.

_Don't say goodbye._

And the kiss. Rudy did not know this memory. It was only Liesel's, and it was burned into her brain. Scar upon flesh, slash upon mind, laceration upon heart. She would carry it forever, thinking the same thing each time her thoughts stumbled across it: It could have happened sooner. It should have.

_Don't let this love die._

But it hadn't.

Liesel inhaled deeply, breathing in all the dusty air that surrounded her. Dragging her feet heavily through the water, she made her way to the river's grassy shore. She dripped as she slowly walked away, her shoes squishing against the ground, her skirts sticking to her legs, the sky still frowning down on Molching. With a final longing glance back towards the river, Liesel whispered two words:

"Goodbye, _Saumensch_."

How many times did she have to say goodbye?

_Don't let this love die._

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A/N: Well, there it is. The memories are going to seem very brief and curt, but I actually meant to do that. Liesel is reeling through snippets of her past, and she isn't stopping for too long on any of them, so please (PLEASE) do not mention this to me! Anyway, thanks for reading, and feel free to criticize all you want, as long as it's constructive, otherwise I won't bother pondering a word you say. I hope you enjoyed!


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